The Invisible Visible Mom
No, I’m not talking about the next Super Hero blockbuster. I’m talking about me and well, perhaps some other parents out there. I’m not pointing out only moms but because I am a mom, this is the title that has been floating around in my head for the last few days.
Does anyone else feel this way? Let me explain. Have you ever walked into a room and everyone in the room starts talking to you at once? Not just talking but really telling you detailed information or asking you questions and demanding the answers right then and there. And the funny thing is, there may be another person aka adult aka parent in the room and they aren’t being bombarded with this sudden influx of information. As a matter of fact, they may be a large part of the sudden burst of communication that fills the room.
This is my life. Every day. Now, don’t get me wrong - I absolutely love my family and will move heaven and earth for them (well, my version at least). I will do their laundry, help them when they are upset, schedule their appointments and make sure that they are well-fed at least three times a day (snacks vary with the size of their daily appetite). But some days the multiple voices are loud. Very loud and very demanding and very, well, invisible to me, the person taking it all in. Yes, their words are heard. But I, the person that is receiving the information feels very much invisible.
“How was your day, mom?”.
“What would you like for dinner, mom?”
“Do you need me to drive you around tomorrow, mom?”
“Mom, look, I found that thing-a-ma-bob that you were looking for!”
Those are examples of the conversations that I have in my head when I reach my limit of communication with my household. When I feel invisible yet I’m standing in the middle of the room surrounded by my very talkative people.
I again want to state that I love these people more than anything. But there are days, likely when I have a lot going on or my stress level is higher than usual, when I feel completely not seen. And that can be lonely.
The caretaker needs to be taken care of sometimes too. This isn’t a guilt trip. These are my feelings. It’s hard as a mom to be ok with that. I had a very long journey to parenthood and so for a long time, I pushed away the “invisible” with the self-lecture that I asked for this role as a parent and now, I have to be thankful for these moments of chaos and demands.
And I am so very thankful. But I also know that I am human. As humans, we need to be heard and sometimes, just every once in a while, not feel invisible.
So, my advice to you is to take a moment before you launch into your day or your questions of “have you seen my phone” with your significant person and remember to say ”How are you?”.
Oh, and listen when they answer. That’s how they become visible aka human. The busyness of our lives will still be there. The lost phone will be found and the important questions of the day will be answered. But taking a moment to show someone that they are seen by you, can change a person’s whole day.
Thanks for crossing this invisible bridge with me.
Till next time -